About a year before son with Down syndrome was born my best friend and I ran a half marathon together. It was a big deal because we live in different countries and don’t often get to see each other. I was determined to help her get her personal best time; she was more concerned about enjoying our time together. She stopped to take photos during the race and all I could think was, “we just lost 20 seconds on our pace, how are we going to make it up? “ I don’t remember the time on the board when we crossed the finish line, but thanks to my friend, we have photos to remember the fun we had along the way. It is those photos, not how long it took us to finish the race, that brings me happiness; they captured the most important moments of the race, our time together.
Before my son changed my perspective, I was a self-proclaimed “realist.” I always tried to see the positive first, but the loud realist inside of me always quieted the optimist. I tended to find the worst case scenario quickly and focus on it until it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I set personal goals and worked hard until I achieved them but few carried meaning beyond my own life. I didn’t tend to look at my place in the world for the greater impact I could have; but rather focused inward on what I could do to achieve my own personal best, for me.
My son’s life has given me more true happiness and fulfillment than any of my personal accomplishments ever brought me. I advocate for his quality of life and that brings purpose to mine. Additionally, I have been ignited with a passion to make a difference in not only my son’s life but also the lives of others in the Down syndrome community. Now, I find myself being a full-fledged believer in a world of possibilities. I would even say on certain matters, inclusion being one, I’m a rainbow, gumdrops and lollipops kind of girl. The kind of person my previous realist self would have rolled her eyes at. I believe inclusion can change the world.
I have heard “nothing makes you happy,” more than once in my life. In those moments, I never considered myself unhappy. I was satisfied with my life, but always chasing something better. I never stopped to appreciate the journey; the finish line was all that mattered. Achieving my goals consumed all my energy and none was left for enjoying the journey.
But now, as crazy as it sounds, I actually believe that I can help to change the world. I am humbled by the opportunity to have my voice heard through my writing and hopefully be an agent for change. And that, that makes me happier than I have ever been in my life!
I catch myself dreaming of a future for my son that is fully-inclusive, where he will be celebrated and welcomed into his community with open arms. Where the school placement for all kids will be inclusive not segregated. Where all kids play on baseball teams together and celebrate each other. Where parents will celebrate the birth of a child with Down syndrome because they grew up knowing an amazing person that happened to have an extra chromosome. I believe it can happen.
When it comes to my son and the impact of inclusion, I am an idealist; and I have never been happier. My son has given me a purpose outside of myself. I no longer chase happiness and view it as a destination. I let the happiness in little everyday moments capture my heart and fill it up.
My son has taught me patience and appreciation for the moments that make life worth living. I’ve learned that the finish line is something to celebrate, but without taking the time to savor the special moments along the way, I was missing out on everything that was most meaningful. These are the moments that will grab my heart and never let go. Moments that make my heart jump for joy are an unsolicited hug, listening to him sing “Happy birthday” at a party, and tickling him to hear the sweetest sound in the world, his joyous laugh. Without my son, I wouldn’t have appreciated little moments like these as much as I do. I would have missed out on so much happiness.
While I was writing this story, I ran across a quote by Alice Meynell. “Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind.” I know it is my son that has shifted the tides of my mind. He has given me the happiness that I had been searching for. He changed me from a realist to a believer. He gives my life purpose.
Because of my son, I will continue to believe an inclusive world will happen. I will keep using my voice to spread rainbows and lollipops, and I will never stop advocating for the change I wish to see in the world because the future I desperately want for our all of our kids depends on it.