Quick survey. Do you like talking about your weaknesses? Nobody? How about when other people constantly analyze your every move? Silly question, right? Or worse yet, how about your child’s weaknesses being the topic of conversation at meetings and magnified constantly? Doesn’t sound like something any parent should have to endure, right? Well, any parent that has had their child evaluated for services or been in an IEP meeting can relate. It has always felt like Jackson lives his life under a microscope. At an IEP meeting recently, I was reminded several times about the dreaded microscope that magnifies and distorts. Jackson will never escape his every action and personality trait being over-analyzed and connected to his diagnosis.
Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses but most of us don’t have our weaknesses magnified, brought to the attention of teams of specialists and tracked with data. It’s human nature to focus on our individual strengths while working on our weaknesses behind the scenes; we never lead with our weaknesses. As a parent of a child with Down syndrome, my son’s weaknesses are always discussed. And then there are parts of his personality that are talked about as if they are a weakness but in reality are just part of who he is.
Jackson happens to be very introverted until he feels comfortable. If he did not have Down syndrome, I bet he would be considered shy like I’m sure several kids in his class. Instead, Jackson being shy can be perceived by people that don’t know him, as he can’t talk, he lives in his own world and he isn’t social. None of which are true, by the way.
You might have heard the stereotype that individuals with Down syndrome are always happy. Jackson is a happy boy, but he is not always happy. (Nor are any of the individuals with Down syndrome that I know) He has a full range of emotions that include: frustration, being overwhelmed, and anger. Those emotions are brought on by his environment, stress or tiredness. He, like the rest of us, should be allowed to have a bad minute, hour or day.
Raising a son with Down syndrome feels like a constant tug-of-war. The world focuses on and dissects his weaknesses and we magnify and celebrate his strengths.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand evaluations are necessary and weaknesses must be discussed, but life under the dreaded microscope can be daunting.
One of my favorite quotes is from Alvin Price, “Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” This is a part of my job as a Mom that I take very seriously. For our kids with Down syndrome, I think it is even more crucial because they are much more susceptible to people and situations that make holes in their buckets.
We know Jackson is delayed, but we choose to focus on all the amazing things he accomplishes. Every day we take advantage of the many opportunities to fill his bucket of self-esteem. We will continue to put his successes under our microscope and focus on those!